Clandestine Resentment

Yesterday, I went to my previous school – C. Arellano High School (Manila North). I was so disappointed because none of the papers/forms that I requested from that school was given to me. In fact, the request that I made was even rejected; in which, I don’t really like the word rejection concerning this matter. Why? Just when I thought that I can grasp on my papers and taste the lavishing joy of education, my verbosity was even used properly, the request letter that I made was exceedingly fine, and then all I get is rejection! In addition, I even waited for a week then when I went to the records section of the school, I received a very delightful rejection which I highly resent.

So tantamount was my anger as that of a raging volcano ready to erupt. I was highly elated to towards the coming of that day when I can get what I desired, and then all I get is rejection? I really hate being rejected especially when the possibilities of achieving is definitely high.

Instead of being a tornado and show callousness, I was able to keep myself calm and control my feelings from pouring over the teacher-in-charge in the school’s records section. I even approached her with an amiable tone of speech and a nifty smile. In return, she didn’t even looked back at me nor said anything accommodating to me. She left me stand in front of her instead of saying, “Take a sit.” Thanks to the presence of my common sense, I did the initiation to sit in the bench.

Just as soon as she stood up and turned to me, I handed her my request, and gave her the reason why I was standing before her- that I was there to claim the necessary papers that I need to avail the on-going college entrance examinations instead of using the honorable dismissal from the college institute that I enrolled from. I presented her my request letter once more and judging by the look on her face, she just skimmed through the words in my letter and asked she asked me again why I was there. She told me that the school can only produce those papers/forms that I requested once, and only once unless those forms were lost; and if lost, I would have to make an Affidavit of Loss which will even have to be processed at the Manila City Hall for justifications.

To make the story short, the resolution is like this: I have no other option but to go back to STI College and take my Honorable Dismissal whether I like it or not.

Naturally, I would argue with her and start a fiery debate. You see, some of my former classmates were able to acquire some of their records from our school but how come my request was disapproved? It’s just a simple request and yet, she can’t even manage to grant it? I gave her my reasons and I talked like a college student, yet, she still persisted that I should not have the records? Absurd!

Good thing, I didn’t start a debate and exasperating interrogations. Instead, I went out of her office agitated and ready to burst my emotions. I calmed myself down by saying this simple statement, “Thank you ma’am.” She didn’t even turn back. How rude!

She did her job though. However, did she manage to do it the right way? Moreover, just because I face her alone doesn’t mean that she has the right to storm out her natural side of being irate over me. She spoke of her side sarcastically! Of course, I am such as nice girl whose precious pride was broken. The feeling of importance and appreciation that I desired was tremendously unsatisfied; so unsatisfied that I even wanted to leave her a short note that goes like this:
“I commend you for you dedication to your job. It’s hard to be jobless these days. Likewise, it is also hard to be uneducated these days. The next time you would face a situation like unto mine, you may want to see yourself in my shoes and imagine how discouraged you made me feel and that you took a single flower in my bouquet of hope.
P.S. You may want to post this to the mush and morbid brain of yours.”

However, I didn’t make a note like that though I desired to. Apparently, she chose who to respect-isn’t that obvious. Maybe because she thought that I am uneducated well.
After all, who cares if she is educated well if her manner is extremely devastating and provocative?! On the part that she actually judged an aspiring future educator like me, I do resent that. She simply underestimated my capabilities.

I used to be one of the school’s representatives in some contests in the league of computers and business proposals. I shamefully admit that I was such a looser but I did my part for the school’s sake. I devoted my time and effort for the training instead of watching over my classmate’s and schoolmate’s iniquities and massively drooling over cute high school boys.

One day, when I will be an educator, I will see to it that my manners are never similar to hers. The way how she treated me directly reflected her unfavorable manner in handling and interacting with people.

Instead of going back home with higher hops and pleasures, I went home discouraged and struck with disappointment. In other words, I went inside the comfort room and wept.

I am not yet through with that teacher. I don’t know her name but who cares anyway? My friend from that school doesn’t even know her name and told me, “Oh, that irate teacher?” That statement says it all. I should’ve given her a peace sign back.

Until this extent, I can’t comprehend why she faced me that way. Instead of smiles and graces, I implanted resentment. How would she feel if I said that I was wrong though I am not? Surely, not even a creature in this world would object me if I admit that I was wrong. If I even argued with her, we would just end up trying to please each party without even understanding the greater cause and justifying that neither is right nor sufficing.

While I was listening to her explanations, since she displayed before me an appalling impression, I remembered James 1:19-20 in the New Testament. It says:
“19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.”

I made a mistake that I easily got angry. Had it not been for the wisdom of God, I could’ve caused trouble. I am glad that this incident didn’t destroy my passion of becoming an educator someday. Moreover, my hope even got stronger and I developed a stronger conviction that I will definitely be a good educator whose will and desires shall never falter.

Upon the arrival of this event, I would like to contemplate more about the behavior of human beings since I’m currently reading a Psychology book (though I find it not much informative). Our natural instinct is indeed difficult to defeat. Unless we combat and find an alternative against these weaknesses, we would definitely the winner among ourselves. Our greatest enemy is not our neighbor but only ourselves. Rest we assure that we can surmount ourselves against out personal weaknesses, surely, we will be a better person.